15 years; April 8th, 1995.
Field Hockey.
Friends and Family.
Music.
"I'm gonna smile more than I should and laugh more than I knew I could. And when they ask me why, I'll tell them, I don't wanna die dead."
jealousy is the cousin of greed.
I need to be really motivated in order to lose weight like I want to before the end of October. I need to eat healthy, and actually work for it. I need more motivation than I have because right now I just feel like so bad about myself. I hate how I look. I’m jealous of those other girls. I want to be pretty like them too. I just don’t know anymore.
Life is conflicted sometimes.
I haven’t blogged in a while, so I’m gonna mush everything into this post. Life was going great until my one friend told me he liked me and I thought I liked him too, but it turns out I don’t. I ended things with him and now he hates me with a burning passion. Whatever we were, we only were for a few days. At first I felt horrible, it was like a hard slap on the face. Then I realized he was being immature; its stupid to hate someone over stuff like that. I haven’t talked to him in about 5 days. I’m waiting for him to talk to me first. I guess I might have lost one of my best friends. BUT later that night, I discovered that my ex wants to go back out with me. And all summer I never understood why I didn’t like any of the guys I was with. I think it was because a part of me never let go. Now me and him talk every day and I think we might get back together. This little event in my life made me so happy. So right now life is going pretty well. The only exception is that I am hated by my apparently ex best friend. I can’t do anything about it now, I tried everything.
I will never let you fall. I’ll stand up with you forever. I’ll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven.
Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.
summer <3
I absolutely love summer and its finally going good. I have a few goals I want to accomplish this summer.
- meet cute guys when i go to Stone Harbor
- get super tan!
- read a few books
- take really cool pictures
- lose a little weight
I feel like I can accomplish all of these and I’m really excited to go to the beach! I feel like life is going really well right now and I’m not going to do anything to change that.
“Last night I fell in love without you. The stars at night aren’t as big and bright as you make them out to be.”
Motion City Soundtrack, new obsession? I think so.
life.
Honestly, life sucks. I feel myself falling into a depression that I don’t wanna be in. Its summer and I’m dealing with so many issues. I may sound conceited, but this is just a vent. I have a few guys liking me and I don’t like any of them back. At least I think I don’t, and I don’t know how to continue being friends with them without hurting them or leading them on. I don’t wanna lose them. I hardly have enough friends to begin with. I basically have no one. I hate it. Some friends continually screw me over. Others don’t, but I feel like no one wants to be friends with me. I mean really, I’m not that great anyway. I’m not attractive, not skinny like everyone else, I am annoying. I can’t really think about anything good right now. I don’t know anything anymore. Ugh.
best friends for never.
It was real great having you as a best friend. It was awesome and I miss it so much. But now, its over. I knew it was, but now it’s actually hitting me. And I’m alone. I guess I was never good enough for you. I mean really, I was the only person you treated like that. And now there’s nothing. There has to be something wrong with me. I don’t fit in with anyone in this world. No one at all. No one actually likes me. I’m alone. And I hate it.
nothing is forever, forever is a lie. all we have is between forever and goodbye.
Hey there. I’m finally happy. I’m over you. I don’t need you. Of course, for now I’ll get jealous of other girls, but I know I’ll be okay. I’m ready to talk to other people. Phew. I have great friends and made new ones today. Life is good. And summer is coming. I am so happy. School can die for now. I really don’t have much to say. Kay I’m done. Bye bye.
everything i do reminds me of you.
I absolutely hate how much I like you. It like kills me. I hate feeling like this. I would think I should be over you by now. Guess not. I don’t even know what to write because I just can’t take it. Bleh. The song I’m listening to is like perfectly describing my mood.
“Please come and rescue me tonight. I just wish that I could disappear. Someone take me far away from here. Do you suppose there’s more to life out there? There’s no happiness surrounding me.”
-Disappear by The Summer Obsession
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